Do You Know Tony, or Do You Know Sean?

I'm an asshole. No, I'm a nice guy. No, wait; I'm an asshole with the potential to be a nice guy, that's it. Or, is it that I'm a nice guy with the potential to be an asshole? Fuck, I can't remember.

That's the problem with growing up at the same time in Maryland and Virginia; excuse me, Northern Virginia to be exact. This entire DMV area, formally known as the District, Maryland and Virginia area where being black has many meanings. If you live in Maryland, then people from Virginia are bamas. If you're in Virginia, then it's the people from Maryland that are bamas. Maryland and DC are cool, and Virginia is the outsider. People from Maryland can't drive, no...wait; it's the people from Virginia that can't drive or is it they both can't drive? Hell, I get confused because either way, since I'm from both, I can and can't drive and no matter how I look at things, I'm a bama because I'm supposed to have this conviction behind me of hating the other side.

Confused yet?

Spending times on both sides of the bridge, growing up I was always treated as an outsider and a bama when I went to visit my father in Northern Virginia. My father called me Tony, a deviation of my middle name. Then at the time, Richmond Highway was notorious for fighting. Coming from the "sticks" of Maryland, I was placed in many situations quickly on these various weekends I so ventured to the Virginia side of the water. And folks realized I wasn't from the "highway" and especially once they realized I was a Maryland bama, I learned quickly that I had to develop a different attitude and personality in order to "get my respect" since my only saving grace was my cousin whom people knew not to fuck with and fucking with me was fucking with him. But I couldn't walk around everywhere hoping his name carried the day and because I was a weekend visitor, I learned even quicker that when my cousin wasn't around, there was no allegiance and that friends were earned over time and since I never spent more than 2 to 3 days at a time every other weekend, the earning of friends wasn't happening the way I had anticipated it as no matter what, I remained a Maryland bama from the sticks.

It was nothing to see someone beat up in the middle of highway amongst traffic by a few of the highway boys on the weekend or someone being beaten by a bat or a chain and then 2 days later, I'm in peaceful Maryland without a care in the world. At the time, I didn't realize that the dichotomy of Sean and Tony were occurring right in front of me. Sean, the peaceful one, the person that was always thinking of others, and trusting all and Tony; the heartless one, the person always deep in thought thinking mainly of himself and trusting no one.

Overtime, it became clearer to me as I started instantly developing a different mindset once the bridge was crossed. Once in Virginia, there was no response to someone calling me Sean as everyone called me Tony so hearing the name itself was foreign to me, much the same as when I was in Maryland, how the sound of Tony was. With Tony came trouble as Tony was determined to get his way and ensure that no one stepped on him. With Sean, friends came, but always at a price…for Sean, always found a reason to care about someone else more so than himself. With Sean in your corner, the inside of my soul could be seen and a friend for life could be had. Yet, if you knew Tony, then you knew a heartless bastard. Someone that you knew if you pissed him off, an unimaginable slew of words would quickly erupt almost as though you were in the midst of a super storm as Tony would quickly remind you, he didn’t give a fuck about you and there was no way in hell you were going to walk over him or spew your nonsense his direction.

The complexities always arrive within a relationship. Real friends always knew that Sean had their best interest at heart…and even further, real friends knew that no matter what, if they had Sean in their corner, they also had a calculating heartless bastard…an asshole mind you standing right there behind Sean whom would be standing right there behind them. Confused? Tony is not going to let anyone take advantage of Sean…and Sean is going to do whatever he can to be there for his friends. So take advantage of Sean’s friends is almost as if you’re taking advantage of Sean and Tony is not going to have that, no matter what. If Sean cares, Tony is unfortunately pulled behind because the only person that Tony cares about is himself.

But as I said, the complexities always arrive within a relationship. Women that have come to know Sean have seen a underlying amount of respect, love and appreciation given to them by Sean…that is, until Sean is taken advantage of or taken for granted. Prior to that, Sean is all about them, but often times as relationships blossom that person so much appreciated starts to believe the nice person standing in front of them will always get their way with Sean no matter what…that is, until that one day arises when Tony has seen enough of their filth to finally label them with the FOS stamp. FOS, shorthand for full of shit, was derived as an indication that the woman has no regard for any real since of honesty or respect of relationship and at that point just as quickly as nice guy Sean would stand there and once listen to reason beyond reason of something that made no total amount of since, Tony will appear and swift targeted words designed to let the person know, the buck stops here, will maim with serious intention as Sean has no ability to hold Tony back. And at that point, a serious shift will enter the relationship as the nice guy, suddenly becomes the asshole.

Confused?

It’s all a part of the dichotomy of TonySean. Tony will always think of himself 1st and foremost. Respect is only shown when it’s received. Tony doesn’t care about your feelings, your friends, your family…nothing. He’s main concern is to make sure that he is not taken advantage of, disrespected, for granted, or anything along those lines. Sean…cares for everything about you, your health, your wellbeing, your family, any issues you may be going thru. If you know Sean, you have seen his soul and you know where you stand. If he considers you a friend, a true friend, or you’re his family, then you have seen his heart and know his love. If you know Tony, then you know he will respect you but he doesn’t trust you because he expects you to try and test him so he will meet you at every step of the way of whatever direction you try. Tony cares about Sean whom cares about friends, family, his car, his money and his girl. Anyone that fucks with any of those things will quickly meet Tony.

So that one day you’re standing in front of him, ask yourself do you know Tony or do you know Sean because I can assure you, you only want to know one knowing the other is standing behind him.